Tuesday, August 22, 2006

KLPAC Gig Report

Sunday 20 August 2006, a little over 20 privileged people were enveloped in the genius and love of Panda Head Curry?

For those who didn't come.

Fuck you.

We hate you.

You will amount to nothing, lead wretched meaningless lives and die screaming with your hair on fire.

Went to KLPAC with the family at 2pm for sound check. No one else had arrived to soundcheck, no Sherry or Peter Hassan. That says volumes about other performers dedication to quality. Panda Head Curry? take the Six Sigma methodology to an unprecedented Six Hundred and Sixty Six Sigma Extreme Quality Assurance.

Hell yeah, that's what separates us from the chaff.

I did the sound check on my own (it proved to be a waste of time since I decided later on not to use amplification - more later). I gave him a wake up call at 2pm in the afternoon. The little bastard was still asleep.

Two fucking PM and he's drooling into his Smurf pillow.

Note: He came over the night before to practice, when he left, we lost at least RM 50 from our petty cash and a new batch of Tesco potato buns mysteriously vanished.

Grab some Jap food for lunch by the Koi pond and chilled till the gig started. After lunch, met up with CK, Hakim and a buddy of his. Went up to Indicine around 3:30, Peter Hassan and Markiza had just finished sound checking.

Azmyl "there's animals livin' in my hair" Yunor, kicked off the open mic session on his cheap Samick guitar. He so badly wants to be Panda Head Curry? material but sadly doesn't cut the mustard. Maybe if he gets a talent transplant. Ha ha! God, I'm witty.

Azmyl was followed by two Ian's. Both did indie folkish tunes on acoustic guitars. Ian 1, who works in KLPAC did a brilliant set. Since he works at KLPAC, we expect him to invite us over again. Ian 2, gave free CD's. We got 3, one for each family member. Now, that's quality. Not like Azmyl Yunor, who's a stingy bastard.

Hassan and Markiza kicked off the set. Markiza's keyboards appeared to be possesed by Satan. Three times during their set, Joe Hasham interrupted over the PA, asking people to close the door, drop their pants and bend over a prime Aussie sausage injection (at least that's how I heard it). They did some bitchin' tunes, I had the chorus from "Mercy" etched in my head when they came down. Of course, like Azmyl Yunor, they too wished they could join the Panda Head Curry? crew. Unfortunately, like the Sith, there may only be 2 members at any point in time.

There was a cool screening of F-Code's graffitti work after that. Excellent shit, beautiful artwork. Some people here don't realize it but Panda Head Curry? invented graffiti. Yes, indeedy.

Sherry took the stage with an excellent set, bitchin' blues shit, culminating in my favorite tune "Babi". Some people don't realize it but Panda Head Curry? invented pigs.

This was followed by Hakim's left wing activista documentary "Romantiknya ISA", in which he "borrowed" a Nick Cave tune for the sound track. Panda Head Curry? is currently in touch with Mr. Cave informing him of this copyright breach. We're hoping that we'll get in exchange Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds concert tickets for turning Hakim in.

General Panda, our adoring fan Sonia (who like others, wishes she could be in Panda Head Curry? but lacks the approriate skill set and psychic powers) and I went down to grab some beer before our set. A little alcohol goes a long way on stage, I always say. We sat outside watching a bunch of kids make a feeble attempt at art.

You may not realize it, but Panda Head Curry? invented art.

Before our performance, I made a management decision to scrap the stage and amplification. I got the audience to form a circle around us and we performed, completely unplugged, bathing the audience in our pure munifence and brilliance. We could see that the audience was visibly moved to tears by this experience. We played our staples for over an hour. KFC popcorn chicken was dished out during Gator Farm. All the chicken was finished when we came down.

After an set that can only be described as pure artistic genius, we came down. As usual, the adoring audience threw themselves at our feet. Offers of sex, drugs, money and rare Pokemon cards were politely turned down. Panda Head Curry? does what we do, not for material gain, but for the deep spiritual impact we have on mankind.

Please note: This was Panda Head Curry?'s LAST performance. That's right, we've broken up. However, we'd be pleased to perform at a reunion gig if anyone would invite us.


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