Troubadours-Open Doors@KLPAC 20 August 2006
That's right, kids! Come on over to Panda Head Curry?'s final show at KLPAC!
For public record, Panda Head Curry?'s submitted the following rider to the Troubadours as part of our compensation package (Note 1).
BTW, I've been busy, choreographing the set, getting the final song arrangements down, designing our stage lighting AND finishing up my design for a faster than light drive (so we can travel the stars, colonize alien worlds and use their native lifeforms for food, entertainment and product testing).
The other half of Panda Head Curry?, "General Panda" - as he's taken to calling himself, has been spending the time trying to figure out how to fit square, round and triangular pegs into their respective holes while drooling and listening to Green Day. In addition to that, I found at least 50 brand new My Little Pony girls panties in his guitar case.
Anyways, as you can see from the totally cool flyer above, Panda Head Curry? shall be joined by fellow musicians Sherry and Peter Hassan Brown and independent film maker Hakim.
I've seen Sherry playing once at No Black Tie, but I was busy with a groupie so I couldn't remember his stuff. I understand he does blues. People say he's an incredible blues performer but I can't imagine him surpassing the stellar genius of Panda Head Curry? (BB King's acknowledged that if he'd seen Panda Head Curry?'s in his early years, he'd quit being a musician and start a career as a short order burger cook). But, it's OK. That's one of the reasons we're here, to provide a benchmark for our fellow artists and humans.
Peter Hassan Brown is a Pom. That's right, a true blue Bangsa Asing. And I thought you had to hold a Malaysian passport to perform at this gig. We're reporting him to Freddy Fernandez. He's made billions of ringgit from his performances, CDs, DVDs, and inflatable dolls that should have gone to Malaysian passport holders.
Hassan Brown's quirky folk/pop/rock meanderings as a solo performer (he's been performing since the '60's and is solely responsible for inventing LSD and organizing Woodstock ) and with super groups Passion and Soft Touch ( both colloborations with the Diva and Siren, Markiza) have earned him a king's ransom, our sources put his net worth at around USD 5.2 billion (equivalent to the current contents of Panda Head Curry?'s petty cash box).
Hakim's an indie film maker. That means he shoots shit on video, rather than film, and uses flashlights for set lighting. He's done this flick about the Malaysian Internal Security Act (ISA), an act that allows detention without trial, a legacy from pre and the early days of independence. In the spirit of USA, Gabba Hey!, the Yanks came up with the analogous Patriot Act.
I personally think he'll make a shit load more money shooting porn instead. Then he can buy a Ferrari and a house on Kenny Hills. Panda Head Curry? even offered to be talent and score the flick. But, no. He's got ethics and morals. Panda Head Curry?'s sold out, he says. We've cheapened our art by having a best selling music video, "Panda Head Curry - Live at Mimaland", which made over RM 50.1 billion (which we in turn donated to wretched homeless orphans with scabies).
OK, so do yourself a frikkin' favor and come to the gig. Bring your family, loved ones.
Free leather pants with gerbil ports for the first five ticket holders.
a) The prefix "the Tumescent" shall be used when referring to any Panda Head Curry? personel. E.g., Would you like a lapdance, The Tumescent General Panda?
b) After the show, we want a Black Hawk chopper, fitted with beer, lingerie models, bitchin' sound system with selections from Tom Waits, Joy Division (for me) and Green Day (for General Panda), missiles & approriate guidence systems and a pilot ready to take us to a place of our choosing.
c) Panda Head Curry? personel shall be free to do what we like to the carp in the pond next to the Japanese restaurant with no legal or other reprecussions.
d) 666 howler monkeys, shaved with the exception of a strip of fur down their backs dyed neon green shall be released into KLPAC 5 minutes after we begin our performance.
e) Panda Head Curry? personel shall each be served a mug hot Milo 'o kosong (250 ml each). The temperature of the said Milo shall be 60.5°C
f) We want our own reality show, "Who wants to ride Panda"?
g) Panda Head Curry? want to be featured in the *RECENT* Troubadors 2 CD compilation that you're selling. That means you will have to recall all the CD's, include our song (35 minute version of Gator Farm), remaster, print a new set then redistribute. If that pussy Azmyl Yunor can get on it, we're baffled and insulted that the genius of Panda Head Curry? was not included. Does Azmyl feed the audience KFC popcorn chicken during his sets? I think not, he's a stingy bastard! We want his work pulled out of the new master CD which we want RETITLED, Panda Head Curry? and Friends.
h) Panda Head Curry? was not invited to the KL Sing Song, despite being proclaimed miming, lyrical and performance genuises by world class institutions. We demand that the KL Sing Song be rerun and we be invited to deliver at least 2 plenary lectures followed by a 12 hour performance, including our world famous Dolphin Performance.
i) We want a guy in a beaver suit to do the sound during our set and act as our guitar tech.
j) All US GPS satellites shall be moved into orbital positions so they shall spell out the word "PANDA OK!".
k) We want Malaysia to retake Singapore but cede Kelantan to Thailand.
Failure to comply with the demands shall be result in an extreme reaction from us.