Bow to the Genius of Panda Head Curry

NEW ALBUM!!!! ARSETRONAUTS & ARSETERIODS

2008-06-17T11:18:00.000-07:00

WOO HEY KIDS!!!!!

As promised, HERE’s THE NEW ALBUM!!! ARSETRONAUTS AND ARSETERIODS!!!

TRACKS: (1) It Was ME! (2) Projek Khinzir Raksaksa (3) Chipmunks on Crack (4) Are You Sleeping (SpiderPM) (5) Kencinglah Kencing (6) No Mongolians (7) Malay British Math Whiz Ho (8) Mari Maryam (8a) Budak Kaya (9) Yuri! Don’t Drop The Space Soap!!! (10) I Don’t Do Jazz? (11) Devil Town (D. Johnston)

And here’s the ARSETRONAUTS AND ARSETERIODS REALLY NEAT COMPETITION!

Just answer the following questions – and return to mailto:rafil@disarseter.com :

(a) What will happens to the aliens once Panda Head Curry? lures them to Earth by building landing strips?

(b) Where does the Khinzir Raksaksa (monster pig) like to hide?

(d) What radioactive bodily fluid does SpiderPM have?

(e) What should you do if you need to pee, and the public toilet’s locked?

(f) Why is the protagonist in No Mongolians afraid of Mongoloids?

(g) Name 2 ugly male mathematicians

(h) MULTIPLE CHOICE: Who do you think wrote Mari Maryam? 1) Lord Panda (who enjoys reading John Steinbeck) 2) General Panda (who’s struggling with “Hop on Pop”)

(i) What is Yuri supposed to do, once he drops down on all fours, just like Laika?

Grand Prize: Signed CDROM Album with really cool Cover Art! & empty Nutrafin Turtle Food Container

Second Prize: Signed CDROM Album (no cover art) and surprise leftover from General Panda’s Fridge (WARNING DO NOT CONSUME)

Third Prize: Blank CDROM

Final date for entries is 19 July 2008

Prizes will be presented at KL PAC on Sunday 20 July 2008 during Panda Head Curry?’s set. Gig Details Here (http://pandaheadcurry.blogspot.com/):

WOO HEYYYYYY!!!!!!!!

2008-06-12T09:25:00.001-07:00

Woo hey kiddies!!!!

It’s been a long time since we communicated with you, our devoted disciples. We hope that hasn’t caused you too much distress. We heard there are at least 20,000 of our disciples who spontaneously got up and wantonly ran with scissors after not hearing from us for more than a week. The reason for this long silence was because we were saving the world from an army of flesh eating zombies! You may thank us with songs of praise, burn offerings, send us money, etc for saving your sorry butts from these fiends.

Anyhoo, here’s some stuff that’s soooo exciting…YOU WILL DEFINITELY WET YOURSELF!!!!!

EXCITING ITEM 1

We had a short respite from our war with the forces of darkness and were interviewed by the Lester Bangs of Malaysia – Adlin! Who works for the NME of Malaysia – Junk Magazine! We’re in the June 2008 issue, available at all good news stands. Go out and BUY A COPY NOW!

In this copy of Junk, we get intimate and share our favourite recipe for..you got it, Panda Head Curry! It’s the one with Madonna on the front cover – she’s been a huge Panda Head Curry? fan since the 80’s. We taught her all her dance moves. Get into the groove, babe! You can also read a more complete version our interview at the Junk website – http://www.junkonline.net.

EXCITING ITEM 2

Panda Head Curry? is going BACK INTO THE STUDIO this weekend to work on an EP, which may turn out to be a full blown album..depending on how many songs we manage to write between now and Saturday – and how long it takes for the studio owners to kick us out.

EXCITING ITEM 3

A STUPENDOUSLY MAGNIFICIENT 3 DAY GIG!!!

Panda Head Curry? and Friends: The Musical (Also known to communist vegans as KL SING SONG 2008)

When? July 18^th Friday, 19^th Saturday and 20^th Sunday - Fri & Sat: starts at 8:30pm, Sun: starts at 3:00pm.

Where: Kuala Lumpur Performing Arts Center (Woo hey YTL!!!!!) – Pentas 2.

Venue Map is here http://www.klpac.com/Welcome.asp?c=venuelocation

Tickets: RM 25 / RM 20 (for disabled/students/Samy Velu)

PANDA HEAD CURRY? Will be performing at the GRAND FINALE on Sunday 20^th July!!!!!!!!!

You can learn more about this STUPENDOUSLY MAGNIFICIENT GIG at the following sites:

KAKISENI http://www.kakiseni.com/events/misc/MTA5MjE.html (now their color scheme’s more heterosexual)

More details on venue etc: Kuala Lumpur Performing Arts Center (KL PAC): http://www.klpac.com

Line up and more details!

*****

Title : KL Sing Song 2008

Email : jeromekugan@gmail.com

Synopsis : Here's your chance to hear Panda Head Curry? and 20 of Malaysia’s best singer-songwriters perform some of their best original compositions, at this years KL Sing Song 2008.

Each day of KL Sing Song will feature a different line-up of singer songwriters, performing in different genres and languages, displaying the growing diversity of local talent.

The performances will be acoustic, with just the performers and their instruments in an intimate setting.

Here's the Lineup:

Fri 18 July:

Mia Palencia - Nominated for Best Solo Vocal (Music), Cameronian Arts Awards 2005

Reza Salleh - Soulful performer and organiser of Moonshine.

Paolo Delfino - Emerging singer songwriter with witty songs and showmanship flair

Sherry - Legendary veteran busker with unique voice and songs

Otam - New singer songwriter with chilled out vibes and gruff vocals

Izzy Mohamed - Upcoming singer songwriter with warm, soothing sound

Sat 19 July:

Pete Teo - Winner of three AIM awards in 2007 and the producer of the Malaysian Artists for Unity Project

Shanon Shah - Most Promising Young Artist Cameronian Arts Awards 2004. Best Male Vocalist AIM 2006

Estrella - Breakout band of 2008 of sweet bossa nova sounds and sultry vocals

Karen Nunis - Veteran female folk rock singer songwriter of bluesy grit

Rendra Zawawi - Witty singer songwriter with dynamic vocals and engaging songs

Edwin & Albert - Mandarin-speaking duo with sparkling acoustic pop melodies

Sun 20 July:

Meor - Former Luncai Emas artiste, legendary independent performer

Yuna - Young, heartfelt, wistful singer songwriter with disarming voice

Peter Hassan & Markiza - Long time supporters of live music, founders of Acoustic Jam

Nan Blues - Local street busker with songs flavoured in the blues and folk genre

Azmyl Yunor - Lively solo singer songwriter with cheeky folk songs

Sei Hon - Singer songwriter with songs on urban life, politics and more

Jerome Kugan - Most Promising Young Artist Cameronian Arts Awards 2005

Ian & Tracy - Sunny, earnest vocal duo with cheerful acoustic pop songs

Panda Head Curry? – Beings of pure energy and light.

Panda Head Curry? is ALIVE!!!!!!

2007-10-21T11:09:00.000-07:00

Ladies and gentlemen,

The last time we communicated, it was to relay the sad news of Panda Head Curry?’s demise trying to save orphans and wretched folk in the Orphanarium blaze.

However, we later discovered to our amazement….Panda Head Curry? lives!!!

That’s right! We had our suspicions at first, when Disarseter Records Crime Scene Investigation unit noticed strange radioactive emissions from the building. Upon further investigation, the by Disarster Records Center for Advanced Sciences - Sub Atomic Physics team, the radiation turned out to be tachyon particles ! I won’t get into the physics now, as the proof and explanation of this would be too much to fit into the margin of this email. The tachyon emissions were coming from the FUTURE and were actually a coded message! The Disarseter Records Cryptography team managed to decode the message! Here it is, a message from Lord Panda…FROM THE FUTURE!!!!!

Rafil Elyas

President, Disarseter Records.

***MESSAGE FROM THE FUTURE BEGINS***

Woo hey kiddies!

This is Lord Panda from Panda Head Curry? we’re in the future. Surprised? Well, you shouldn’t be, after all, we’re more highly evolved than you carbon based bipedal homo sapiens. We have technology that would make your head spin. Spin, like the top your space flight participant’s playing with on the ISS.

Anyways, General Panda and I were busy evacuating our ~~medical experiment guinea pigs~~, orphans and wretched people from the burning ~~human experiment center~~ Orphanarium. Just as the ceiling collapsed, we hurled ourselves into the future, using our Space/Time machines cleverly disguised as underpants.

We have seen the future, and it isn’t pretty, just like the past.

Actually, we’re here in KL, at Paul’s Place, it’s 7:30pm November 3, 2007. Apparently, there’s a gig going on here, some lame bands, Ben’s Bitches, 360 Degree Head Rotation and a bunch of other wannabes are having a launch party for Ben’s Bitches Mamak Conspiracy album. They’re begging us to play a set, we may comply if enough of you come.

So, make your way down through time and space and catch up with us. Hurry up! The place seems to be filling up real quick!

I’m told it’s a free show, you just need to RSVP this message to get on the list. Send your Real Name to phc@disarseter.com.

Oh yeah, and for those of you who play the stock market, be advised that..….

**************

Click on image below to see bigger version of image below.

Lord and General Panda Killed in Building Fire – Memorial and Tribute Gig

2007-09-27T00:42:00.000-07:00

Press Release.

Disarseter Records Sdn Bhd.

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

27 September 2007

Lord and General Panda Killed in Building Fire – Memorial and Tribute Gig.

Global musical phenoms, philanthropists, spiritual gurus and technical geniuses, Panda Head Curry? were killed in a building fire in Balakong on 9 September 2007. Lord and General Panda? were evacuating the tenants, mainly orphans, feeble and wretched people when the building collapsed. Their bodies were not found.

Cowardly people snapping photos and watching while Lord and General Panda? rush into the building to save orphans and wretched people

Known for their ultra right wing, pro mufti Perak, fundamentalist, anti-vegan, homophobic and misogynic sing-alongs, Panda Head Curry? were embarking on their planet wide tour following the release of their latest album, “One Thousand Homo Humpbacks”. An announcement was made at a Central Market gig two weeks ago by CIJ Head Cheese Sonia R. According to Ms. R, the circumstances of the fire were dubious, she implied that “Panda Head Curry? probably started it themselves”. A baseless accusation by one of the Panda Head Curry?’s biggest detractors.

Claims that Panda Head Curry? owned the building and were hoping to cash in their insurance policy were complete slander. Panda Head Curry? did own the building, a testament to their generosity and philanthropy. It was the worlds first “Orphanarium”, a building that housed orphans from all over the world. Its walls were made of glass, so people could see the orphans at play and rest. People would stop by during lunch breaks where the orphans would put on skits and perform choral arrangements of Panda Head Curry? songs. The Orphanarium had an unparalleled adoption rate. Accusations that Panda Head Curry? were using the orphans for medical research were completely untrue and probably a CIJ smear campaign.

Panda Head Curry? hired wretched, homeless, the dregs of society, to staff the Orphanarium. “Look, everyone likes kids? Just because someone is labeled “schizophrenic” doesn’t mean he don’t like kids”, said General Panda? in a 2001 interview.

We are making this press release several weeks after the incident. This has been done to manage the grief of the planet. We feared Panda Head Curry? fans and disciples may riot and commit mass suicide, so we’ve been breaking the news slowly and in stages.

A memorial and tribute for Panda Head Curry? shall be held in Paul’s Place on 3 November 2007. This event is Invitation Only. Entrance is free. If you are reading this, consider yourself INVITED. If you would to attend, you MUST RSVP with an email to phc@disarseter.com.

Please send in your (real) FULL NAME so we can get you on the guest list.

This event also coincides with owner, Paul Millot’s Birthday and Ben’s Bitches Album Release Party –

A Disarseterous Conspiracy!

Lots of party games and party pack give aways!

Date: 3rd Nov 2007 (Sat)

Time: 8:00 pm

Venue: Paul's Place (map below)

Bands

Ben's Bitches

360 Degree Head Rotation

Onani

Ciplak

ETC

A surprise totally kick ass band has yet to confirm.

Come, celebrate the life of Panda Head Curry? Paul’s nth birthday, and Ben’s Bitches Album Release (copies of the Mamak Conspiracy and other fine Disarseter Records products will be available for purchase).

Please send questions or condolences to phc@disarseter.com .

2007-07-01T14:53:00.001-07:00

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REALLY EXCITING COMPETITION!

2007-05-07T20:19:00.000-07:00

Woo Hey Muchacos!

Come! Come! We're giving away TONS of fun stuff! This competition's REALLY EXCITING!!

Hang on to your pants & zip 'em up! Click here for entry forms! (http://www.disarseter.com/PHC/competition.htm)

FABULOUS PRIZES!

GRAND Prize:

One Thousand Homo Humpbacks Autographed (by both Lord and General Panda) CDROM album

6 Packets of Maggi Mee Assam Laksa

1 Copy Harian Metro

2nd Prize:

One Thousand Homo Humpbacks Autographed (by either Lord OR General Panda) CDROM album

1 Copy Harian Metro

3rd Prize:

One Thousand Homo Humpbacks (Unautographed) CDROM album

4th Prize:

Blank CDROM so you can burn your own copy of One Thousand Homo Humpbacks CDROM album after downloading the free songs. You may autograph it yourself if you wish.

CLOSING DATE 15 June 2007

Here's what people are saying about One Thousand Homo Humpbacks!

i downloaded the PHC album... amazing waste of time... i loved every wasted minute of it. already have my favourites.... samy, yahudi hey, singer sonwriters suck, meng the catholic, ahab, homophobe....Farez (Hot Shot Corporate Lawyer)

Heard the two tracks, Ahab and Samy. Liked the overall madcap energy, but both songs are actually pretty silly exercises in primate humour - hardly subversive or incisive - just plain inane....Antares (Bad Man, probably Criminally Insane Communist)

And if the silliness could not get sillier, the band has offered the entire album free. It is downloadable from their website (or, by clicking here). Is it worth your hard drive space? Depends, if you can stand songs with titles like 'Samy', 'Singer Songwriters Suck' and 'Worship Me'. As for me? I've already deleted my Delta Goodrem bootleg to make room. Think.com.my. (Really Cool People.)

Listening pleasure! Huh! Only if you're deaf! This is the talentless collection of inept insults that we've come to expect from Panda Head Curry. Ladies, gentlemen, boys and girls, I urge you, for the sake of humanity and whales everywhere, don't download this racist tripe. It is all you might expect of a carbon-belching bigot. Resist, resist! Sonia... (currently on death row for genocide and smuggling Enya CDs)

No Show CIJ's World Press Freedom Day Celebrations

2007-05-06T13:07:00.000-07:00

Woo hey kids!

It has come to our attention that Panda Head Curry? was advertised to play for the Center Of Independent Journalism’s (CIJ’s) World Press Freedom day, Sunday 6 May 2007 at the Central Market, KL.

If you were there at the allocated time, you will notice that we weren’t there. That’s OK. You weren’t experiencing Lost Time from being abducted by aliens (you MAY have been but that’s not the point of this message). We REALLY weren’t there. And we apologize for this profusely.

What happened was the CIJ used Panda Head Curry?’s name to boost attendance and make obscene profits for their “Independent Journalist” cronies. PHC hadn’t agreed to appear at this event as CIJ just couldn’t afford our fees and couldn’t comply with our riders. We are currently trying to access just how much money CIJ made using the PHC name and trademark in this event, we estimate several million RM easily (NOTE 1).

Our no show had nothing to do with the fact that Ben and I were vacationing in Ko Samui and Langkawi respectively for the past week, out of contact, resulting in miscommunication between CIJ and PHC. No siree..This was pure CIJ spin. (NOTE 2)

We understand there were at least 10,000 people chanting and (and apparently according to CIJ) threatening to riot when they heard of this no show. We are glad no one got hurt, no stores were looted, no one got trampled. They composed themselves, lit candles, joined hands and prayed that PHC’s absence wasn’t due to any calamitous event (we are safe and in good health). Of course, what can you expect from devotees of PHC but the utmost civility in the most trying times? We will endeavor to ensure this doesn’t happen again.

FYI: It was brought to my attention that our 1000 Homo Humpbacks album is being downloaded so much that the entire planet’s bandwidth is getting tied up. We apologize to all internet users…but that’s just something you have to live with.

Also, our song about Malaysia’s favorite bogeymen, Yahudi, Hey! has just been re-uploaded. The previous version of this song was an older mix that accidentally got uploaded with the final cut.

You can go to: http://www.disarseter.com/PHC/album.htm to download the songs/album.

NOTE 1: This is completely fabricated. I made this up.

NOTE 2: Sonia/Gaya – please call us for next gig you have.

NOTE 3: Panda Head Curry? supports freedom of the press and commends CIJ for organizing this important event annually. They put a lot of work into this and do a fantastic job. However, please don't tell them we said this.

One Thousand Homo Humpbacks - Released!

2007-04-24T10:51:00.000-07:00

Woo hey kiddies!

Panda Head Curry's long awaited album, One Thousand Homo Humpbacks has been released!

Go here to download the entire album for free! That's right, you heard us, you don't have to pay for this album!

Bet you're wetting your pants in anticipation!

2007-04-23T20:03:00.000-07:00

One Thousand Homo Humpbacks

2007-04-23T08:34:00.000-07:00

Woo hey kiddies!

Guess what? Panda Head Curry? has REFORMED! That's right! We split up last year due to irreconcilable differences, namely, General Panda is a moron, and I'm not. You can't get more different than that.

Anyways, to cut a long story short. We got a letter from one of our fans in Kazakhstan, Dulat Doushbaag, a 5 year old legless orphan. Here is his letter:

Dear Lord Panda and General Panda (of great band Pandaheadscurvy)

I Kazakhstani, Dulat Doushbaag. I'm rotating around sun 5 time. I love verymouch manly songmaking of PandaHeadscurvy. News of your breaking up is making me very sad, such that I want making kill myself.

Please, please, pandaHeadScurvy, making more music to make us who have no legs much happy.

Signed,

Dulat Doushbaag.
5 Sun Rotation.
Orphan - no legs.

Now that brought a tear to our hoary eyes. After several rounds of discussions WE AGREED TO REFORM!

General Panda promised to return all the petty cash he "accidentally" took while in my office. In turn, I agreed to let him have all his Pokemon trading cards and used My Little Pony panties (used meaning, he used them).

Anyways, we performed at our buddy Jamal's birthday party. Shortly after that, we went into the studio and recorded 14 (count that fourteen) COMPLETE SONGS in under 2 hours. Pure frikkin genius.

And you know what? We're making this album (One Thousand Homo Humpbacks) FREE to download! That's right, we spent tens of thousand USD recording this album. TONS of effects and studio techniques were implemented to make this sound like a cheap recording with a couple of mics and a DI'd guitar. But we're letting you, our audience who showers with infinite love, have this priceless work for free!

That's right! All your favorite ultrarightwing, conservative, xenophobic, anti environmental, homophobic, misogynistic and generally politically incorrect sing alongs can be downloaded and dumped right onto your iPod (or whatever cheap mp3 player you may be using) Woo Hey!

The song titles in the order we recorded (roughly) are:

One Thousand Homo Humpbacks (current working title)

1) Samy
2) Singapore Belongs to Malaysia
3) Singer Song Writers Suck
4) Gator Farm
5) Yahudi Hey!
6) Ahab (Whales for Research)
7) Sunat
8) I wanna be an Arab
9) Electroshock Bunny
10) Homophobe
11) Singer Song Writers Suck (reprise)
12) Worship Me
13) Cinta Gelap
14) Kongsi Raya

Bonus Track!

Meng is Catholic.

Because we know how much you love us, we're giving you a free sneak preview of our free downloadable album!

Samy! DOWNLOAD! (right click and save as)
Yahudi Hey! DOWNLOAD! (right click and save as)

KLPAC Gig Report

2006-08-22T22:25:00.000-07:00

Sunday 20 August 2006, a little over 20 privileged people were enveloped in the genius and love of Panda Head Curry?

For those who didn't come.

Fuck you.

We hate you.

You will amount to nothing, lead wretched meaningless lives and die screaming with your hair on fire.

Went to KLPAC with the family at 2pm for sound check. No one else had arrived to soundcheck, no Sherry or Peter Hassan. That says volumes about other performers dedication to quality. Panda Head Curry? take the Six Sigma methodology to an unprecedented Six Hundred and Sixty Six Sigma Extreme Quality Assurance.

Hell yeah, that's what separates us from the chaff.

I did the sound check on my own (it proved to be a waste of time since I decided later on not to use amplification - more later). I gave him a wake up call at 2pm in the afternoon. The little bastard was still asleep.

Two fucking PM and he's drooling into his Smurf pillow.

Note: He came over the night before to practice, when he left, we lost at least RM 50 from our petty cash and a new batch of Tesco potato buns mysteriously vanished.

Grab some Jap food for lunch by the Koi pond and chilled till the gig started. After lunch, met up with CK, Hakim and a buddy of his. Went up to Indicine around 3:30, Peter Hassan and Markiza had just finished sound checking.

Azmyl "there's animals livin' in my hair" Yunor, kicked off the open mic session on his cheap Samick guitar. He so badly wants to be Panda Head Curry? material but sadly doesn't cut the mustard. Maybe if he gets a talent transplant. Ha ha! God, I'm witty.

Azmyl was followed by two Ian's. Both did indie folkish tunes on acoustic guitars. Ian 1, who works in KLPAC did a brilliant set. Since he works at KLPAC, we expect him to invite us over again. Ian 2, gave free CD's. We got 3, one for each family member. Now, that's quality. Not like Azmyl Yunor, who's a stingy bastard.

Hassan and Markiza kicked off the set. Markiza's keyboards appeared to be possesed by Satan. Three times during their set, Joe Hasham interrupted over the PA, asking people to close the door, drop their pants and bend over a prime Aussie sausage injection (at least that's how I heard it). They did some bitchin' tunes, I had the chorus from "Mercy" etched in my head when they came down. Of course, like Azmyl Yunor, they too wished they could join the Panda Head Curry? crew. Unfortunately, like the Sith, there may only be 2 members at any point in time.

There was a cool screening of F-Code's graffitti work after that. Excellent shit, beautiful artwork. Some people here don't realize it but Panda Head Curry? invented graffiti. Yes, indeedy.

Sherry took the stage with an excellent set, bitchin' blues shit, culminating in my favorite tune "Babi". Some people don't realize it but Panda Head Curry? invented pigs.

This was followed by Hakim's left wing activista documentary "Romantiknya ISA", in which he "borrowed" a Nick Cave tune for the sound track. Panda Head Curry? is currently in touch with Mr. Cave informing him of this copyright breach. We're hoping that we'll get in exchange Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds concert tickets for turning Hakim in.

General Panda, our adoring fan Sonia (who like others, wishes she could be in Panda Head Curry? but lacks the approriate skill set and psychic powers) and I went down to grab some beer before our set. A little alcohol goes a long way on stage, I always say. We sat outside watching a bunch of kids make a feeble attempt at art.

You may not realize it, but Panda Head Curry? invented art.

Before our performance, I made a management decision to scrap the stage and amplification. I got the audience to form a circle around us and we performed, completely unplugged, bathing the audience in our pure munifence and brilliance. We could see that the audience was visibly moved to tears by this experience. We played our staples for over an hour. KFC popcorn chicken was dished out during Gator Farm. All the chicken was finished when we came down.

After an set that can only be described as pure artistic genius, we came down. As usual, the adoring audience threw themselves at our feet. Offers of sex, drugs, money and rare Pokemon cards were politely turned down. Panda Head Curry? does what we do, not for material gain, but for the deep spiritual impact we have on mankind.

Please note: This was Panda Head Curry?'s LAST performance. That's right, we've broken up. However, we'd be pleased to perform at a reunion gig if anyone would invite us.

Troubadours-Open Doors@KLPAC 20 August 2006

2006-08-04T22:07:00.000-07:00

That's right, kids! Come on over to Panda Head Curry?'s final show at KLPAC!

Woo hey!

For public record, Panda Head Curry?'s submitted the following rider to the Troubadours as part of our compensation package (Note 1).

BTW, I've been busy, choreographing the set, getting the final song arrangements down, designing our stage lighting AND finishing up my design for a faster than light drive (so we can travel the stars, colonize alien worlds and use their native lifeforms for food, entertainment and product testing).

The other half of Panda Head Curry?, "General Panda" - as he's taken to calling himself, has been spending the time trying to figure out how to fit square, round and triangular pegs into their respective holes while drooling and listening to Green Day. In addition to that, I found at least 50 brand new My Little Pony girls panties in his guitar case.

Anyways, as you can see from the totally cool flyer above, Panda Head Curry? shall be joined by fellow musicians Sherry and Peter Hassan Brown and independent film maker Hakim.

I've seen Sherry playing once at No Black Tie, but I was busy with a groupie so I couldn't remember his stuff. I understand he does blues. People say he's an incredible blues performer but I can't imagine him surpassing the stellar genius of Panda Head Curry? (BB King's acknowledged that if he'd seen Panda Head Curry?'s in his early years, he'd quit being a musician and start a career as a short order burger cook). But, it's OK. That's one of the reasons we're here, to provide a benchmark for our fellow artists and humans.

Peter Hassan Brown is a Pom. That's right, a true blue Bangsa Asing. And I thought you had to hold a Malaysian passport to perform at this gig. We're reporting him to Freddy Fernandez. He's made billions of ringgit from his performances, CDs, DVDs, and inflatable dolls that should have gone to Malaysian passport holders.

Hassan Brown's quirky folk/pop/rock meanderings as a solo performer (he's been performing since the '60's and is solely responsible for inventing LSD and organizing Woodstock ) and with super groups Passion and Soft Touch ( both colloborations with the Diva and Siren, Markiza) have earned him a king's ransom, our sources put his net worth at around USD 5.2 billion (equivalent to the current contents of Panda Head Curry?'s petty cash box).

Hakim's an indie film maker. That means he shoots shit on video, rather than film, and uses flashlights for set lighting. He's done this flick about the Malaysian Internal Security Act (ISA), an act that allows detention without trial, a legacy from pre and the early days of independence. In the spirit of USA, Gabba Hey!, the Yanks came up with the analogous Patriot Act.

I personally think he'll make a shit load more money shooting porn instead. Then he can buy a Ferrari and a house on Kenny Hills. Panda Head Curry? even offered to be talent and score the flick. But, no. He's got ethics and morals. Panda Head Curry?'s sold out, he says. We've cheapened our art by having a best selling music video, "Panda Head Curry - Live at Mimaland", which made over RM 50.1 billion (which we in turn donated to wretched homeless orphans with scabies).

OK, so do yourself a frikkin' favor and come to the gig. Bring your family, loved ones.

Free leather pants with gerbil ports for the first five ticket holders.

Note 1

Panda Head Curry? Show Rider

a) The prefix "the Tumescent" shall be used when referring to any Panda Head Curry? personel. E.g., Would you like a lapdance, The Tumescent General Panda?

b) After the show, we want a Black Hawk chopper, fitted with beer, lingerie models, bitchin' sound system with selections from Tom Waits, Joy Division (for me) and Green Day (for General Panda), missiles & approriate guidence systems and a pilot ready to take us to a place of our choosing.

c) Panda Head Curry? personel shall be free to do what we like to the carp in the pond next to the Japanese restaurant with no legal or other reprecussions.

d) 666 howler monkeys, shaved with the exception of a strip of fur down their backs dyed neon green shall be released into KLPAC 5 minutes after we begin our performance.

e) Panda Head Curry? personel shall each be served a mug hot Milo 'o kosong (250 ml each). The temperature of the said Milo shall be 60.5°C

f) We want our own reality show, "Who wants to ride Panda"?

g) Panda Head Curry? want to be featured in the *RECENT* Troubadors 2 CD compilation that you're selling. That means you will have to recall all the CD's, include our song (35 minute version of Gator Farm), remaster, print a new set then redistribute. If that pussy Azmyl Yunor can get on it, we're baffled and insulted that the genius of Panda Head Curry? was not included. Does Azmyl feed the audience KFC popcorn chicken during his sets? I think not, he's a stingy bastard! We want his work pulled out of the new master CD which we want RETITLED, Panda Head Curry? and Friends.

h) Panda Head Curry? was not invited to the KL Sing Song, despite being proclaimed miming, lyrical and performance genuises by world class institutions. We demand that the KL Sing Song be rerun and we be invited to deliver at least 2 plenary lectures followed by a 12 hour performance, including our world famous Dolphin Performance.

i) We want a guy in a beaver suit to do the sound during our set and act as our guitar tech.

j) All US GPS satellites shall be moved into orbital positions so they shall spell out the word "PANDA OK!".

k) We want Malaysia to retake Singapore but cede Kelantan to Thailand.

Failure to comply with the demands shall be result in an extreme reaction from us.

Troubadours Open Doors 20 Aug 2006 and "General Panda"

2006-08-03T11:16:00.000-07:00

Troubadours-Open Doors gig

I've been busy getting shit lined up for our 20 Aug gig at KLPac. Since it's our last performance, we're going to lengths to make this totally extravagant. Expense is not an issue. Fear is not a Factor. If you miss this, you'll want to kill yourself and your loved ones. You will be so dissapointed, you will lose the will to live.

We know y'all come to a Troubadours show to watch sensitive men and women write earnest, heartfelt, songs that manage to break down all barriers and establish a connection with all the wanting souls in the audience.

Hence, we're planning (but haven't yet decided) on adding the following elements in our set:

a) Paid sex.

b) Fried Chicken.

c) Puteri Islam Se Malaysia (PIS)

d) Lasers

"General Panda"

I'm glad this will be our last act together. That other half of Panda Head Curry? who calls himself "General Panda" is lapsing into more and more psychotic behaviour.

More of my property has gone missing. I lost my Joy Division Substance (compilation) CD a few months ago. I'm riding with General Panda, he pops in a CD, and what do you think is on? That's right Joy Fucking Division. I grab the jewel case and ask him where he got it from. He said he purchased it from Auntie's shop in Campbel complex. I opened the case and MY FUCKING NAME and DATE I PURCHASED THE CD is WRITTEN on the fucking in sleeve.

The little fucker told me HE wrote that shit in and refused to speak the entire journey.

I can't wait to complete this KLPac gig and say "adios pandejo" to that little fucker.

The Problem Is You

2006-08-03T02:08:00.000-07:00

As you may all know from reading our blog, R has been slandering my good name with his incessant accusations of me being a kleptomanic.

My answer to this is.... so what?

I like to take shit. The world is mine. Tomorrow I shall take all your computers and the guitars that you don't actually play but like to keep around your house so you can show them to guests and tell them that they were given to you by some great artistes such as myself. What are you gonna do about it?

I own everything. My name is on everything including your shit and piss. No need to say one. Just take.

You know, I think the real problem is R's extreme paranoia. I think this is caused by all the pollution that R has been exposed to through out his career in enviromental destruction. I notice this of lately while we were getting ready for one of our recent shows in the middle east.

There we were. Ten minutes before showtime. Before we head out to entertain the heads of the secular and fundimental muslim world.

Suddenly, R starts to break down crying. Mumbling something about some Dubai whore and he doesn't think we'll make it out alive from this show. Says "we've pushed the envelope to far this time".

"Fuck no!" I tell him. We've merely scraped the dirt of the whole shabang! And now you want to pussy out because you're afraid you'll be labeled as an outcast to your religion and brotherhood.

Needless to say, after a lot of gay ass comforting and back patting, R finally pulled himself together to perform.

It was a good show but I could have done better without him.

Problems Pt 2

2006-08-02T15:57:00.000-07:00

Went to watch General Panda (as the little bastard's taken to calling himself) recording this evening. Noticed he had a shiny new 012" gage string on his guitar. I know it's new because all his other strings were severely corroded.

Watched him all evening and noticed the picks he was using were very similar to the ones I kept losing.

Had a teh tarik after the practice. I noticed him slipping some white powder into my drink as I surreptitiously watched him when I walked away to order some food. He was whistling some stupid Green Day song and looking innocent when I came back. He was sipping his teh tarik and commenting how good it was that evening.

I took several small sips then downed the entire glass. I caught him grinning as he watched me.

He doesn't realize that since I was a child, I've been ingesting small amounts of common and some not so common poisons, venoms, nuclear radiation and infectious microbes. I have immunity over pretty much all deleterious material/energy forms on this planet.

I must do something about this.

Response to Troubadour's Invitation

2006-08-02T15:53:00.000-07:00

Dear Troubadours,

Thank you for your invitation.

I must say this comes as a surprise, we never thought you'd be able to afford our performance fees. I'm glad you've seen the error of your ways and decided to make amends.

You may get off your knees now.

Panda Head Curry? is indeed munificent. Extremely munificent.

We initially had a Middle East peace talks meeting scheduled for the morning of the 20th where we're proposing the "dimensional shift" solution. A method that will allow Isrealies and Palestinians to occupy the same physical space by phase shifting their their matter into 2 separate dimensions so they can walk through each other. We worked out the theory on the back of a San Francisco Coffee House napkin.

After that, we had a party set up with the 2006 winners of Adult Video New's "Nastiest Orgy Girls".

However, we figure, the Middle East can wait a few days and every day's an orgy for us. We'll play your gig in ~Sentul~. In the future, if you want to invite us for a gig, please select somewhere that is more deserving of Panda Head Curry?'s presence. E.g., PETRONAS MPO or a bitchin' health spa packed with hot sluts.

FYI, we've submitted a list of demands that must be met for us to perform at your gig. Please revert to us on this ASAP.

Yours sincerely,

Panda Head Curry?

2006-08-02T07:38:00.000-07:00

Greetings worms,

Everybody knows that I am the true creative force behind PHC. My extreme miming has been acknoledge as greatest thing since slice bread.

R's envy has been growing for too long for my original band Ben's Bitches, which is what made him recruit me for PHC. Only I possess the skill and virtuoso insanity to carry forward our stage performance to that of godlikeness. And as for 360 DHR, it is a known fact that their intellectual lyrics and technical musicianship has no place in mediocre Malaysia.

Only I should be worthy enough to be bestowed the glory that is panda.

Now that you know the truth, go forward and spread it, worms!

The Great GENERAL PANDA has spoken.

Invitation Letter From Troubadours

2006-08-02T05:41:00.000-07:00

I thought as a matter of public record, I'd share the email Troubadours sent to us, begging us to perform at KLPac, August 20, 2006.

Well, here's their email:

********
Header details removed
********

Subject: Invitation to perform at KLPac gig 20 August 2006.

Dear Panda Head Curry?,

How are you? Hope is all well.

We would sincerely like to apologize for not including your 35 minute version of "Gator Farm (Live at Wet World, Shah Alam)" in our "Voices from Next Door" double CD gonzo compilation. Some of us really wanted to include it but Azmyl Yunor vehemently protested, calling you "Talentless C*nts". He's also responsible for getting you off the speaker/performer at KL Sing Song 2006. We didn't realize that he'd had a personal vendetta against you. This unfortunately, is part of his psychosis. He's been off his medication for the past 3 months because he says it blocks his creativity (which in our mind is seriously overrated). He believes Panda Head Curry? shall "suck his soul out of his nostrils" if you get too close to him.

Rest assured, we've brought him back to the medical facility and the doctors say he'll be right as rain after the lobotomy and shock treatment. We've implemented a system of checks and balances to ensure this shall never happen again. We promise on our, and our loved one's very lives.

We hope that you will be able to forgive us. For Panda Head Curry? is all Loving and Forgiving.

We have no doubt that Panda Head Curry?'s genius is the solution to all this planet's malaises. Panda Head Curry? embodies the evolution of man over the eons from, a puddle of frothing amino acids to the star child precursors you are today.

We would be completely honored if Panda Head Curry? could grace us with your munificent presence and perform at our Troubadours-Open Doors performance at KLPac on Sunday 20 August 2006. We realize you have an extremely schedule, meeting with world leaders, captains of industry and porn starlets on a day to day basis.

You can't see us, but we are prostrating in a patch of dirt outside KLPac as we write this, begging you to consider. We realize that KLPac doesn't meet the standards of performance facilities for Panda Head Curry?. We have also come up with the budget of RM 250,000.00 to pay your artist fees.

In addition to that, we've engaged Jenna Jameson and a TBI porn starlet (who takes it on the face) to be your Personal Assistants for one month, after which you can discard those porn 'hos once you've had your way with them. We had to sell the kidneys and corneas of all our new interns to come up with this budget.

We implore you (again, you can't see us but if you could, we'd be at your feet, kissing and patting them), please perform at our show. We hope you can find it in your munificent (we just learnt this word today, hence, we've been using it quite a lot) hearts to come.

We look forward to hearing from you.

Your humble servants,

Troubadours.

Problems Pt 1

2006-08-02T00:44:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've noticed some odd things happening. Things seem to go missing, particularly when General Panda's around.

Started several months ago.

a) We were at Asia Cafe for a late night snack. I paid for a drink, the waiter put the change on the table, about RM 7.50. I left the change on the table, figured, I'd use it to pay for some fried mushrooms that I'd ordered. Mushrooms came, and there was no money on the table. General Panda said that I must have put it back in my wallet but I hadn't. The mushrooms were coated with flour and were crunchy on the outside, chewy on the inside.

b) Some weeks ago, practicing for the Gigger's cafe gig with General Panda. I had some strings lying on the table, two 012's for my acoustic guitar. Went to the toilet and returned, there was only one 012 left. General Panda was the only one in the house with me. He said there was only 1 string there.

c) All the change I keep for parking and tolls have been dissapearing from my car the past month. Only General Panda's been in that car. I use another car when I drive my family around.

I confronted General Panda with this and he vehemently denied any wrong doing. I think he has a problem and he's in denial.

Bow, Fuckers, Bow!

2006-08-01T23:51:00.000-07:00

We made the above photo montage for what's going to be our Final Performance as Panda Head Curry at KLPac 20 August 2006.

After snubbing our genius by not including any of our brilliant works in their Voices Next Door Compilation and not getting invited to present papers or perform at KL Sing Song 2006, the Troubadours group have realized the error of their ways and literally BEGGED Panda Head Curry? to perform at their scheduled Troubadours-Open Doors gig on 20 August 2006.

We weighted the possibility for a long time. Panda Head Curry? are a busy organization, we regularly meet heads of state and leading porn starlets. We were last invited to perform at Wembeley (or how ever the hell you spell it), KLPac seemed rather...well Sentul.

However, after thinking long and hard, we decided to do the charitable thing and perform. And as mentioned, this shall be our last performance together. Been having problems with General Panda. He appears to have stopped taking his meds and is getting increasingly difficult to work with.

Details should follow shortly.

Thus, the all encompassing love and gargantuan munificence of Panda Head Curry?

Big Giant Tits

2006-08-01T06:34:00.000-07:00

I am looking for someone who can suck the canser outta my butthole.

Long live PHC.

Death to you.

No goat fucking please, we're Malaysian

2006-07-27T21:59:00.000-07:00

PAUL'S PLACE - THE CASE WILL BE HEARD NEXT WEEK

On 31st December last year at about 10.30 pm, the police raided Paul's Place, a small music venue for the independent music community, and arrested over 300 people who had come to attend a hardcore gig including David Wong, an employee who was helping out that night, and subsequently charged as the owner with four offences.

The case is coming up next week at the Central Magistrate's Court 6 (opposite Dataran Merdeka) at 9:00 am on Monday 31st July.

Do turn up in large numbers and occupy pews in the public gallery - and guys from the press, do come yourselves or send your reporters to cover this important landmark in legal history - and hopefully whatever the outcome will be given space in the media, so that the truth shall be laid bare, and whoever is righteous will be vindicated (we hope).

To jog your memory:

a) A raid was conducted on Paul's Place by the Brickfields Police Station, 31 December 2005. Over 300 people were detained. Those detained were inside Paul's Place, in public places and food stalls within a 100 m radius of the venue. Several police officers we spoke to that night informed us that it was a "Black Metal" raid.

b) David and 3 other individuals were remanded for 2 days and released following a press conference and some assistance from Mr Ronnie Lui. During this time, the reason for the raids was shifted from "Black Metal" to "Unlawful gathering", "public indecency" and back to "Black Metal".

c) Finally, after several weeks, the police department decided why they had conducted the raid. David was charged on 4 counts, operating a pub without a license, selling liquor without a license, not having customs/import permits for the liquor (I think) and displaying the "Paul's Place" banner without getting a DBKL permit. In addition to that, the others were charged under the printing presses act for distributing printed 'zines and t-shirts without the approriate permits.

For more details, please go to http://media-blackmetal-msia.blogspirit.com/ , a web repository on media coverage of this event set up by our friends at the Center of Independent Journalism http://www.cijmalaysia.org.

Fuck all of you

2006-07-24T04:00:00.000-07:00

We know you've been trying to suck our super powers.
But you can't. We've got special sauce.

So take your tentacles, brain saws and aluminium foil hats and fuck off.

Unnerstand?

2006-07-24T03:47:00.000-07:00

There are many who covet the genius and success of Panda Head Curry?.

They want to have cribs that are showcased on MTV, screw a different Victoria Secret model every night and get into the swimming pool less than 15 minutes after eating a heavy meal.

Well they can't.

The secret of Panda Head Curry? is powerful indeed. It is closely guarded by us. We made a blood oath to "those who came before us" that we would keep the secret and only hand it down to the new chosen two when we were close to death, or really bored of being Panda Head Curry?.

Those who possess our secret would could use it to do things like understand what the hell Harussani Zakaria, Mufti of Perak is thinking or move Earth to a new orbit around the sun.

To harness the power of Panda Head Curry? would even allow one to initiate a big bang, create one's own universe complete with sentient beings to entertain them and do one's bidding.

Yes, with great power comes great responsibility.

Thus, is the burden of Panda Head Curry.

Mahai

2006-07-24T03:41:00.000-07:00

Ma Hai!

Die Fucker Die!

2006-07-24T03:38:00.000-07:00

Die! Fucker! Die!